Yesterday was not a good day to be an Atlanta Braves fan. Here's your shit for today. Also quick shout out to my first official reader that I know about. Willa. Hooray for Willa. If anyone else is reading this retarded blog, let me know by leaving a comment. You don't even have to say anything, just literally write one letter. Like this "n". That will be more than fine.
HELLS YES!
I may have failed to mention this earlier, but I am a huge Harry Potter fan. So this kind of softened the kick in the balls that are these next few stories.
HELLS NO!
I knew it was coming. I'm not stupid. There was no way Tex was staying with the Braves, not longer than the end of the season anyway. At least he went to the Angels, furthering the likelihood that my World Series pick will come to fruition. So hooray! I'll be sure to take solace in that when I'm sitting in front of the TV this October, alone and pantsless and crying into a beer while Mark Teixeira is dancing around with a bottle of champagne wearing Angels red.
What sucks the most is that he wanted to play in Atlanta for the rest of his career. Despite what anyone says, or mounting evidence to the contrary, he really wanted to stay in Atlanta. He played college ball at Georgia Tech and had some serious man love for Bobby Cox. He also loved the guys he played with. Who wouldn't? I'd be pretty psyched too if there were like four Hall of Famers sitting down the bench from me (Smoltz, Glavine, Chipper, Cox). But according to Braves GM Frank Wren Atlanta offered Tex a rather large contract this spring that "...would have made him one of the highest paid players in the game..." and he, or rather douche agent Scott Boras, declined. Now at the end of the year along with a big shiny ring, Tex will be getting a monster contract from a team whose name probably starts with New York. But whatever, I couldn't tell a guy not to take an extra 7 Billion dollars (exact figure) to play baseball somewhere other than Atlanta.
Anyway, maybe focusing on who Atlanta got in return will make me feel better. Let me take a look here, hmmm FUCK FUCK FUCK! No I that didn't work so well. Firstbaseman Casey Kotchman and minor league reliever Stephen "The Elephant Man" Marek. Kotchman's got potential I guess. He's got a career .337 OBP, but from the looks of it, no power. He is having a career best year in HR's this year......with 12. The Braves need more power production, right now all they have is McCann and part time services from Chipper. Frenchie is a doubles hitter who just doesn't know it or want to admit it yet. Marek was being transitioned from starter to closer (The Braves could use either). But according to MLB.com's Lisa Winston, who says the following "will it be Marek the starter or Marek the closer? Stay tuned.", he could go either way. Sweet. I'm not too satisfied with this. Can we have that catcher back we gave Texas back? Maybe just turn him into a firstbaseman. I'm gonna miss watching two sick switch hitters back to back in the lineup. This sucks. I'm gonna watch that trailer again.
In Other Braves News........FUCK!
This is getting hard to watch. Maybe they at least won last night.
Oh, wait..........FUCK!
Please be a good pitcher Stephen Marek, please.
So This is Pretty Gay
And so is this picture below. I found it while searching for a picture of Mark Teixeira and Bobby Cox. This picture is literally saved on my computer as satanfag.jpeg
This is the most infuriating thing I have ever seen. I'm about to go fucking insane. Better look at this again to calm me down, or this again. Moving on.
AIDS-b-Gone!
See Iran, we can destroy the monsters we create. And you're next. Actually I just wanted to talk about the only thing gayer than the Braves current state of affairs, and that of course is AIDS.
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